When Is Stephen Colbert New Again
Best of Belatedly Night
Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Exist Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol
Colbert said guns should require a license, registration and insurance: "If y'all movement to a new state, you got to do the whole damn affair all once more. And you tin't become out loaded."
Welcome to Best of Belatedly Night, a rundown of the previous dark's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to picket comedy. We're all stuck at home at the moment, and so hither are the l best movies on Netflix right at present .
Retiring Thoughts and Prayers
Stephen Colbert opened Tuesday'southward prove addressing the mass shooting a day earlier in Boulder, Colo.
"Now due, patently, to pandemic shutdowns, it has been a yr since there has been a large-calibration shooting in a public place," Colbert said. "At present we've had two in the last calendar week: Bedrock and Atlanta. Plain, the only solution for America's gun violence is putting all of us under house arrest."
"The responses from gun apologists, of course, take been anticipated. The Colorado State Shooting Association released this argument: 'In that location will be a time for the debate on gun laws. At that place will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.' Why not? That's what they say every time this happens, and that'south what I say about what they say every time they say it every time it happens." — STEPHEN COLBERT
"Even the idea of it being in a 'groundhog' state of affairs is itself a 'groundhog' situation. Remember, Einstein said, 'The definition of insanity is doing the same affair and expecting different results. Also, aforementioned-twenty-four hours gun purchases — whose stupid idea was that? Thanks, "Einstein."'" — STEPHEN COLBERT
Seth Meyers also addressed how common such violence has become.
"I heard an anchor this morning call the events in Bedrock 'unimaginable.' That's probably a discussion we tin retire. When something happens iii or four times a week, it is no longer unimaginable. Sadly, we're at a place where common sense gun laws and political action are the things — they are the things that have go unimaginable." — SETH MEYERS
"Nosotros could also stop using 'shooter.' Information technology makes these people sound like hobbyists, which is exactly the [curse] rationale that keeps those kinds of weapons flowing. 'Killer' or 'murderer' works just fine." — SETH MEYERS
"And of course, we can practice away with 'thoughts and prayers.' If the best you can muster in response to this kind of horror is to say words inside your own head and nothing more than, all-time to look effectually, observe someone or some organisation that's taking action, and help them instead." — SETH MEYERS
Colbert specifically chosen out Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, who during a congressional hearing attempted to steer the field of study from gun command to immature people who drink and drive.
"OK, I'll have that deal. Permit's regulate guns the fashion we regulate alcohol and cars. Yous got to be 21, you got to pass a test to get a license, you lot got to have a registration and insurance for your gun. If you movement to a new land, you got to do the whole damn affair all once more. And you can't go out loaded." — STEPHEN COLBERT
And when Kennedy said in that location isn't so much a gun command problem equally "an idiot command trouble," Colbert agreed in part.
"Oh, we definitely accept an idiot control problem. It's people who don't recognize that this country has long had a gun problem, 'John Kennedy.'" — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Special Delivery Edition)
"Speaking of the pandemic, I saw that DoorDash will now evangelize Covid exam kits to your business firm. Yeah, the DoorDash guy will hook yous upwards with fast food, Covid tests and, afterward a long enough pause, weed: 'Here'southward your delivery, here'due south your exam. [pause] All right, here, permit me meet what I got.'" — JIMMY FALLON
"Uber has started offering Covid tests, as well. Yes, if you make it the machine and you can odour weed, you merely tested negative, my friend. Congrats!" — TREVOR NOAH
"I got to be honest, it's a footling foreign getting medical supplies from the aforementioned guy who brought you dejeuner from Fuddruckers." — JIMMY FALLON
"Yes, thanks to DoorDash, yous tin now get a Covid test delivered right to your dwelling forth with, I'm assuming, 40 packets of ketchup." — TREVOR NOAH
"And let me remind everybody right now that your commitment driver is not responsible for your test results, all right? Because you know there are people out there who are going to base their reviews on that: 'What? Yous're telling me that I accept Covid? Dude, i star!'" — TREVOR NOAH
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The "Daily Prove" correspondent Desi Lydic delved into the world of women having orgasms onscreen in her segment "Hist-HER-y."
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Sharon Rock will stop past Midweek'due south "Late Show" to talk about her new memoir, "The Dazzler of Living Twice."
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Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/24/arts/television/stephen-colbert-boulder-shooting.html
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